Two weeks... a total of two weeks and almost took my breath away.... 2 weeks of waiting till I reached 6 weeks old and going to scan the baby exist really taking my entire mind and soul away!
Day in and out, i was wondering whether the baby is s/he still there with me?
Sometimes when i felt period cramp, i felt s/he might be here and now stretching of womb expanding of sac to let the embryo stays comfort. At the same time, i had my shoulder pain, i couldn't differentiate it is a shoulder pain or should tip pain... which might be Ectopic Pregnancy.
Again, no thank to GOOGLE because of its convenience, i often check on my status and every single symptoms thru GOOGLE. The more i check, the more crying feeling i have. The answers are varies and there is no certain answer from them. It can be either both good and bad.
It really gave me too much of pain to go thru. My hubby told me whatever i felt the baby felt too. But in my mind, do the baby knows Mommy wants s/he so much till really hope i can hear heartbeat and see the baby sac soon with amazing embryo. But the process is really in pain.
AND TODAY, it is my final day before i going for my checkup. To be frank, i rather not to check till s/he reaches 3 months' old. I really have no more energy and i having serious mental issue and stress. From early at positive till now i filled with negative vibe. I know i shouldn't be like that at this stage, staying positive might help me. But today things just not working the right way, i felt watery inner me, is like period/fluid going to flow out anytime. I had my shoulder/shoulder tip pain, headache, and diarrhea, fever. After 2 weeks i had gone thru, the sudden change in symptom really frighten me. I really losing my confidence. Although i was told not to recalled the last two miscarriage, but God knows how much i need the baby, and how much i scared it recurrent again.
I told my hubby if really recurrent, then i don't want any confinement, neither taking care myself, because is pointless. I spoke my colleague about my past experience, at the same time, i told her what i want it just hopes baby healthy and complete with me. But only God knows what is going on next.
I really pulling out myself to go for body check, I am too afraid to get the know the facts. I rather s/he stays with me till 9 months old, and carry him/her at my arm in person with no further check required. I have no one to tell my issue my blog my only channel. Tears dropping like waterfall, but who can help and support me for now? Can anyone give me answer?
God please hear my prayer, all i want is to have a healthy and complete baby of mine.... i need strong baby dust and baby please stays with mommy. Mommy loves you more than anyone else....
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