BFN

After tested yesterday, it shown a BIG FAT NEGATIVE (BFN).

Although a lot of people blogged or even updated that 9dpiui is still early to say. But as a sense of "mother" i knew it is negative. Yesterday night was having a pillow midnight talk with my DH, he told me I'm not doctor and will not know the actual. But i told him i have six sense, he replied cow sense. Ya! Ya! Skipped all the grandmother old story.

I were a mother of two, and definitely i can sense if is here. Now... I think i gonna skip for this month after AF perhaps wait for another before restart it again. I had been trying it like almost 3 months continuously, and i know my body can't cope it much longer especially my hormone.  

Good luck to those that working on it. Need more baby dust to me.... 

Crazy 2WW

Alright. I really need a place to release my stress and someone i can talk about right now! Today is my 9dpiui and im surprised i can hold this long by only one test on BFP, and obviously is a BPN. However, probably i saw a faint line but could be my imaginary eye to hope to see on the BFP.

After twice of miscarriage and someone told i couldn't conceive till the year of three. Finally the tears drop like no one else as i couldn't wait much longer for my own child. I decided to tell my DH i want to go second options, at least my effort to make impossible, hopefully possible.

When we visited doc for the first time, we tried twice purely on clomid, and guess what. It don't work on me at all. Probably because i have PCOS issue, the most i had was 2 follicles. Somehow it doesn't work it out. It is because we both not hardworking enough during the intercourse, or is my follicle that rejecting DH sperms. 

Fine! Stop of the lengthened wording over failure clomid. I decided go straight to IUI because I felt heart burning during my second clomid intake. Me and my DH don't want to see things gone worst and clomid at maximum a person could take 3 times. 

I will skipped all the process to the next time when I felt like writing on it. Back to the tortured 2ww, is only 9dpiui. Every day I google and check on different iui blog or probably experience as inexperienced so much different one day to another. In my mind non stop floating whether it is BFP or BFN. With cramping it is ovulate?  It is sign of pregnancy? Or omg! Not again? 

It is mentally torture to me! I can't tell anyone or share with anyone which I doing such process. I neither can express my nervous. It just insane 9 days and I decided to test today.

Please pray and hope for baby dust!